Goodbye March 24, 2008
Posted by cokewidow in Addiction, Cocaine, Drugs, Life, Love, Marriage, Memories, Random, Suspicion, Thoughts, blogging, loneliness, relationships.Tags: Addiction, blogging, Cocaine, Life, loss, Love, Marriage, readers, rehabilitation, relationships, Thoughts
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There are probably a thousand reasons to stop writing about something. But though I have a good reason, I don’t feel so good. I feel cheated that I cannot depend on this blog as a release anymore, a place to dump my feelings about my husband’s struggle with cocaine. Most of all I feel that I might have helped someone, anyone, in sharing my experience. Now the hope of that is gone as well.
But I have readers now that are not welcome. Some of you who know me well will know who I am referring to. I cannot allow this information to be used against me and my husband. I have no choice. I hope my previous posts can help someone in the future, but to keep an ongoing journal now is not possible. I hope my readers understand.
Continued strength to you all. You helped me in more ways than you know. It is with sadness I post for the last time.
I am sorry to see you go. I hope you reconsider at a later date or at least make your website private and invite a few of us. Anyway, I wish you well. Take care.
If anyone knows how I might be able to make this a private blog, I would love to continue with it. I have helped myself and hopefully, others as well. I would appreciate any advice on how to change the whole blog over to private. I will check out the FAQs as well.
Thanks.
I am sure you can make this journal private. Please check the faq and learn how, I would like to keep up with your journey, as i have been through it myself. Godspeed to you and your husband and child….
Yuck! I am sorry that you’re having to shut down just when I was getting to know you. I had some “invaders” about six months into my own journey with blogging, and I went private for a while. You can make a Blogger blog private, I know for sure. If you do go underground, please send me an invite. It helps me to see other people surviving the same things I am.
I could possibly been one of the “invaders” The Junky’s Wife was referring to, considering I mentioned that if her husband was using that he love the junk more than he loved her. I’ve been on the side your husband is – i.e. cocaine addiction (never heroin) – and never once did I want someone to be empathic and deal with it…what I was screaming for was intervention! Never got it though…only co-dependence.
ThI can specifically recall being wasted and going to breakfast with my police academy boyfriend (at the time) and his fellow students when no one said a word. Only two scenarios exist: (1) Either they were stupid beyond comprehension to recognize the signs or (2) they didn’t give a rat’s a$$. I lied my tush off to get out of telling them I used the night before and they were fine with it. I call them bastards for not helping me when I needed help the most and couldn’t ask for it by reason of behavior. Shit, I spoon fed them to help me…in the end I know I am responsible for myself, it’s only when you can’t feel there is help there that you hope others can help you.
Thankfully, I was able to quit on my own when those I loved failed to love me back.
On the other hand I’ve had issues with my son that I haven’t been able to adjust to. He was violent toward me and some friends took us in b/c I wasn’t in a position to parent wisely to prevent more abuse and I am grateful for them to realize my pain and ongoing struggle to make a well adjusted home life.
It’s quite the decision to put yourself out there…I hope all turns out well for everyone
I, too, wish you well. I hope the comfort you found from this blog outweighs any lame negativity that people tried to throw on you.
I’m trying to think of a way to write this that doesn’t sound horrible and exploitative, but I’m just going to say it straight and have faith you will accept it in the spirit in which I offer it. I’ve been reading your blog for a while, and it (among others) has actually inspired a story I am working on for a magazine, about women in relationships with addicts. I would love to talk to you for the story and I can assure you that your anonymity would be preserved. I looked for a private way to email you but didn’t see it. I submitted my email when I submitted the comment, so I’m hoping you get in touch with me. If not–my continued good wishes.
Don’t let yourself be intimidated. I am new here and cried after reading some of these stories. it was as if i posted them myself. I thought I was alone.