Acceptance July 4, 2008
Posted by cokewidow in Addiction, Cocaine, Divorce, Drugs, Life, Love, Marriage, Memories, Random, Thoughts, Willpower, lies, loneliness, relationships, separation.Tags: acceptance, addict, Addiction, Cocaine, Divorce, emotion, feelings, guilt, loss, Marriage, Memories, Random, relationships, responsibility, separation, Thoughts
trackback
He asked me again today.
After our last conversation, and his decision to come and get the rest of his things, I guess for some reason, he still had to hear it one more time. Should he actually pick up his stuff?
In an alcholic rage, his brother threw out some false accusations and kicked him out. He was going to have to swallow the last of his pride and stay with is parents until he can get his own place.
Or couldn’t he just come home?
It’s still sinking in, I suppose.
If only I could forget. Or act like nothing happened. Or follow my mother-in-law’s insane advice and just ignore it, put up with it, drop it, and just keep my mouth shut.
Only God knows how hard it was for me to tell him, yes, come get it. I didn’t say it, but I thought, come get it for now, anyway. Some small part of my heart still has hope that one day he might return to the man I knew. Regardless of my heartbreak and anger, the resentment my son has and all the things he has done, he is still my husband. He is also a person with feelings, with regrets, and who is paying a harsh price for pain he caused us. I know he’s been clean awhile, now. And I guess that’s why he is starting to act as if he’s waking up from a bad dream, only to find it a reality.
It is hard to watch him lose everything he worked for. His home. His studio. Me, I think. Our pets. All our dreams. Our plans. Our future. Some of which have lost all sentimental meaning to me. Most of all, it’s hard to watch the distance growing between him and our son. Somehow, I feel like the asshole. I feel guilty … as if I could have done something different. I feel like I am taking it all away from him. But I know I didn’t.
He gave it up.
I was married to a man for 13 years with an addiction. It was very hard, frustrating and I totally understand your feelings of guilt, I had them too. Stay strong, and stay with your heart. If you still love him, and he gets better, and you make a committment to daily keep on that path things can work out. But don’t rush into it! Take is slow and easy. good luck to you.
I havent been following the whole story, but please tell me, Is there anything in this world that cannot be forgiven? Anybody could fall short at anytime and in the process hurt a lot of people. Things happen and become act without thinking. Nobody would want to give up a grat life, wife and son. Please consider giving him a second chance. God would do that for you too. you can forgive.
Thank you both for taking the time to comment. I am not unforgiving, but have been taken advantage of, in giving chance after chance. Taking it slow would be the only way I could handle it. I appreciate the food for thought.