Cocaine Widow

I’m all fucked up. My sinuses hurt from having a bacterial infection that I am taking antibiotics for, while secretly using off and on for the past few days. I am a genius. This week I actually quit my job, and then took it back when I realized what I was doing (humiliating!)… No one was going to beg me to stay, but they hate to lose me, and since I need that stupid job I guess we’re all even. If I could just get in a better mindset I would be able to shrug off the constant swearing and tension. I wouldn’t need an assortment of substances, one of which makes my nose BLEED, to get through the day. I wouldn’t need to be numb. I yearn to live in the moment and truly appreciate the people around me, or the job at hand, without looking for away to escape it.

I am seriously considering starting back on Lexapro (yuck!) this weekend so the first two days of weirdness won’t interfere with things like, well, driving. Nothing can intoxicate and medicate like the pharmaceuticals that our doctors dole out on a regular basis. Makes smoking pot feel like eating chocolate cake.