Comments for Cocaine Widow http://cocainewidow.wordpress.com The Other Side Of Addiction Mon, 19 Oct 2009 00:40:56 +0000 http://wordpress.com/ hourly 1 Comment on Trust by Chaz http://cocainewidow.wordpress.com/2009/08/21/trust/#comment-141 Chaz Mon, 19 Oct 2009 00:40:56 +0000 http://cocainewidow.wordpress.com/?p=144#comment-141 Have you tried spending time and/or getting input from others in your situation? Meaning others with recovering spouses and family members? Al-Anon and Nar-Anon are two places this can happen. I am sure there are other support groups. I have made a practice of something in my life. Whenever I think I am right and someone else is wrong.... which is easy to do.... I get a second opinion from someone wise and trustworthy. I am way too biased in favour of my own perspective to judge fairly. The only thing I can consistently judge when it comes to differences with others is whether or not I feel pain. My automatic response in the past was that if I felt pain, someone else must be wrong. Since moving forward in recovery and understanding, I have found that more often than not, I have a part in the pain. Even if it turns out to only be 2% of the painful conflict and the other person is 98%. If I am not willing to deal with my 2%, I am kidding myself and probably blaming. Often times, dealing with my minority contribution turns out to be enough to change the dynamic of the conflict and ease the pain of it. The situation may not end in justice or balance, but it become manageable and livable. The injustice then is easier to surrender and forgive. I have given up arguing my case to the degree I once did. More often now, I will just surrender it to God as I understand him which is what the 12 steps suggest. The results have been amazing. I received positive results with less effort and striving. With all that said, I understand that what you are going through must be painful. I caused a lot of pain too. Many family members are still pretty pissed at me even though I am clean/sober for years. The damage we addicts caused runs deep as I am sure you know. Yet, my family is still responsible for their attitude toward me. Just because I did them wrong, does not make me responsible for their prolonged bitterness and resentments. My responsibility is to make amends and grow. This is no different than anyone else in humanity. We all make mistakes and hurt people. Unfortunately, addiction and its accompanying behaviours are that much more dramatic and frightening. Hope this is helpful in some way. Ciao. Chaz Have you tried spending time and/or getting input from others in your situation? Meaning others with recovering spouses and family members?

Al-Anon and Nar-Anon are two places this can happen. I am sure there are other support groups.

I have made a practice of something in my life. Whenever I think I am right and someone else is wrong…. which is easy to do…. I get a second opinion from someone wise and trustworthy.

I am way too biased in favour of my own perspective to judge fairly. The only thing I can consistently judge when it comes to differences with others is whether or not I feel pain.

My automatic response in the past was that if I felt pain, someone else must be wrong. Since moving forward in recovery and understanding, I have found that more often than not, I have a part in the pain. Even if it turns out to only be 2% of the painful conflict and the other person is 98%.

If I am not willing to deal with my 2%, I am kidding myself and probably blaming. Often times, dealing with my minority contribution turns out to be enough to change the dynamic of the conflict and ease the pain of it.

The situation may not end in justice or balance, but it become manageable and livable. The injustice then is easier to surrender and forgive.

I have given up arguing my case to the degree I once did. More often now, I will just surrender it to God as I understand him which is what the 12 steps suggest. The results have been amazing. I received positive results with less effort and striving.

With all that said, I understand that what you are going through must be painful. I caused a lot of pain too. Many family members are still pretty pissed at me even though I am clean/sober for years.

The damage we addicts caused runs deep as I am sure you know. Yet, my family is still responsible for their attitude toward me. Just because I did them wrong, does not make me responsible for their prolonged bitterness and resentments.

My responsibility is to make amends and grow. This is no different than anyone else in humanity. We all make mistakes and hurt people. Unfortunately, addiction and its accompanying behaviours are that much more dramatic and frightening.

Hope this is helpful in some way.

Ciao.

Chaz

]]> Comment on Wrong by Burke the Jerk http://cocainewidow.wordpress.com/2009/03/10/wron/#comment-115 Burke the Jerk Thu, 12 Mar 2009 14:34:37 +0000 http://cocainewidow.wordpress.com/?p=137#comment-115 Whoa...that's intense. you should read some of my shit at <a href="http://www.burkethejerk.com" rel="nofollow">Burke the Jerk</a>... Whoa…that’s intense.

you should read some of my shit at Burke the Jerk…

]]> Comment on Impulse by TheNorEaster http://cocainewidow.wordpress.com/2009/02/16/impulse/#comment-111 TheNorEaster Thu, 19 Feb 2009 02:20:53 +0000 http://cocainewidow.wordpress.com/?p=120#comment-111 I am glad that you are writing again, CW. I know your struggles are...Well, they just fucking suck now, don't they? But you know what? Keep writing. I'm reading. I'm listening. Because I really do care. I am glad that you are writing again, CW. I know your struggles are…Well, they just fucking suck now, don’t they? But you know what? Keep writing.

I’m reading. I’m listening.

Because I really do care.

]]> Comment on Cocaine Widow by tj http://cocainewidow.wordpress.com/about/#comment-110 tj Wed, 24 Dec 2008 22:50:40 +0000 #comment-110 free from Cocaine 25 years free from Cocaine 25 years

]]> Comment on Cocaine Widow by Anonymous http://cocainewidow.wordpress.com/about/#comment-109 Anonymous Wed, 24 Dec 2008 22:15:04 +0000 #comment-109 Okay, it did not publish my url for some reason...here goes again: http://cokeaddictionkindasucks.blogspot.com/ Okay, it did not publish my url for some reason…here goes again:

http://cokeaddictionkindasucks.blogspot.com/

]]> Comment on Cocaine Widow by Anonymous http://cocainewidow.wordpress.com/about/#comment-108 Anonymous Wed, 24 Dec 2008 22:14:22 +0000 #comment-108 I totally feel you. I stumbled upon your blog & I have my own blog about cocaine addiction. I'm also an antidepressant consumer. Check out my blog if you would like. Perhaps it will give you some insight, or maybe just a good laugh:) I totally feel you. I stumbled upon your blog & I have my own blog about cocaine addiction. I’m also an antidepressant consumer. Check out my blog if you would like. Perhaps it will give you some insight, or maybe just a good laugh:)

]]> Comment on Cocaine Widow by Cyber Widow http://cocainewidow.wordpress.com/about/#comment-106 Cyber Widow Mon, 27 Oct 2008 23:13:42 +0000 #comment-106 Niece to meet you Cocaine Widow, I am Cyber Widow! Sounds like your in a real shitty place now. It sounds like your beating your self up over how you feel, Dont! You have just added an other layer of things to upset about on to your existing layer of things your unhappy about! I read Eckhard Tollies New Earth and listened to Operahs podcast, and it really helped me. I just started a blog @ http://mywifeisacyberslut.blogspot.com If you can check it out and let me know what you thing. R Niece to meet you Cocaine Widow, I am Cyber Widow!
Sounds like your in a real shitty place now. It sounds like your beating your self up over how you feel, Dont! You have just added an other layer of things to upset about on to your existing layer of things your unhappy about!
I read Eckhard Tollies New Earth and listened to Operahs podcast, and it really helped me.
I just started a blog @ http://mywifeisacyberslut.blogspot.com
If you can check it out and let me know what you thing.
R

]]> Comment on Betrayal by angrysoberdude http://cocainewidow.wordpress.com/2008/09/29/betrayal/#comment-105 angrysoberdude Fri, 03 Oct 2008 02:57:39 +0000 http://cocainewidow.wordpress.com/?p=103#comment-105 Just because we are addicts doesn't make us shit. That is how I felt when I first walked into AA/NA. I stayed because there were people who cared enough to help me out of that hole. That was almost twenty years ago. Let them help you out of the hole. Yeah, I know some of them are a-holes. Go AROUND them. Just because we are addicts doesn’t make us shit. That is how I felt when I first walked into AA/NA. I stayed because there were people who cared enough to help me out of that hole. That was almost twenty years ago.

Let them help you out of the hole.

Yeah, I know some of them are a-holes. Go AROUND them.

]]> Comment on Betrayal by Michelle http://cocainewidow.wordpress.com/2008/09/29/betrayal/#comment-104 Michelle Thu, 02 Oct 2008 21:27:52 +0000 http://cocainewidow.wordpress.com/?p=103#comment-104 At one point I quit taking antidepressants for the very same reason, with the very same result. I'm back on them. They helped me climb out of the hole long enough to get help. My favorite network I call for help: 1-800-NEWLIFE They also have a website: www.newlife.com I'm praying for you and yours. At one point I quit taking antidepressants for the very same reason, with the very same result.

I’m back on them. They helped me climb out of the hole long enough to get help.

My favorite network I call for help: 1-800-NEWLIFE
They also have a website: http://www.newlife.com

I’m praying for you and yours.

]]> Comment on Understanding by ric booth http://cocainewidow.wordpress.com/2008/09/16/understanding/#comment-103 ric booth Mon, 29 Sep 2008 14:19:16 +0000 http://cocainewidow.wordpress.com/?p=100#comment-103 Your blog reminds me of an email from a young friend of mine. In that email he wrote, "Know that there is complete healing and restoration in Christ Jesus!" At the time I thought, "yeah, yeah, I know." But I didn't. As a father of a teenage user, I read your words and tear up at the memories your words conjure up in my mind. Its as though pain keeps the keys to my heart long after I've kicked him out. I write from this place called pain though... and it seems this is why Jesus keeps letting pain back in. Life was so simple before I died... http://ricbooth.wordpress.com/media/ Your blog reminds me of an email from a young friend of mine. In that email he wrote, “Know that there is complete healing and restoration in Christ Jesus!” At the time I thought, “yeah, yeah, I know.” But I didn’t.

As a father of a teenage user, I read your words and tear up at the memories your words conjure up in my mind. Its as though pain keeps the keys to my heart long after I’ve kicked him out. I write from this place called pain though… and it seems this is why Jesus keeps letting pain back in.

Life was so simple before I died…
http://ricbooth.wordpress.com/media/

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