The next day…
He came by to get some clothes early this morning. He left quickly the other night. I tried not to say anything, but of course, it had to turn emotional. He said he doesn’t know how to get help. He tried an online site, but it hasn’t helped enough. I don’t think that is enough right now.
He doesn’t trust any kind of therapy, thanks to a bad experience with some group counseling years ago. He wouldn’t go into a rehab even if we could afford it. I want to find someone he can talk to, to help him understand what he’s doing to himself and how to stop.
I could tell from looking at him I was right yesterday, that he had been using. He has screwed up his sinuses… and has barely gotten over a really bad cold at New Year’s. He looks terrible. I don’t know what happened to the man I married. I don’t know if he wants help or permission to just kill himself.
And where does that leave me? Alone with our teenage son, who has Crohn’s disease, who wants to drop out of high school and move to Canada, where he can get decent health care. (He has a point)…
Half of me wants to start packing right now. And the other half wants her old life back.